My Lovely Journal.

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

2008-10-30T08:25:26Z

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity

ADRIANE

2008-07-18T09:20:17Z

I'm making a post for the sole purpose of pointing out that the Doctor is incredible, but this icon is almost as good. Sweet!

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

2008-07-04T08:18:03Z

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Free genealogy websites - Geneology

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

2008-07-04T08:14:22Z

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

Who me, absent-minded?

2007-10-28T00:55:33Z

I was writing an outline for a college essay so I was a little distracted... decided to take a break so I took off my glasses and put them in their case, then looked at the juice container on the table and decided to put it away. I got up and put the object I was holding in the fridge and turned back to the table, satisfied that I had completed my task. Imagine my surprise when I saw that the juice was still on the table!

The mood ferret looks the same most of the time... but I like this one.

linda_jane @ 2007-01-05T22:28:00

2007-01-06T06:28:44Z

In 2007, Linda_Jane resolves to...

Go to sleep every Sunday.
Take evening classes in logic.
Eat more books.
Spend more time with my sunken gardens.
Put fifty bagels a month into my savings account.
Apply for a new music.

Yoda Stories

2006-12-10T11:31:56Z

http://www.oldgames.org/games.php?showcat=Y
Yoda Stories
plus the patch to make it run on XP
http://www.compuphase.com/wavemix180.zip

Awesomest old game ever. man I love this.

linda_jane @ 2006-11-12T20:27:00

2006-11-13T03:27:49Z

You paid attention during 80% of high school!

68-84% Pretty good, you know that there are libraries and newspapers, and you remember what you've read. You were a child that wasn't left behind!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

finally, gonna take this one

2006-10-28T04:20:24Z

How many total songs?
1,075

Sort by Song Title. What's the first song?
"ANTMUSIC"

Sort by Song Title. What's the last song?
the Beatles - You've got to hide your love away

Sort by Time. What's the shortest song?
hung like a moose by sophunky - 6 seconds

Sort by Time. What's the longest song?
Beethoven's 6th, 40 minutes

Sort by album. What's the first song?
Metallica - ...and justice for all

Sort by album. What's the last song?
David Bowie - Suffragette City

Sort by Play Count. What are the top ten songs?
the Beatles - Her Majesty - 18 (because I accidentally put it on repeat once)
Richard Saucedo - Persistence - 18
three dog night - an old fashioned love song - 15
they might be giants - Istanbul - 14
the rolling stones - continental drift - 14
duran duran - bedroom toys - 14
the rolling stones - paint it black - 13
the beatles - for no one - 13
simon and garfunkel - cecelia - 13
onelinedrawing - breathless - 13

Search for "Sex". How many and what?
5. Sexy sadie (the Beatles), Rock on (by david esSEX), she thinks my tractor's sexy (kenny chesney), cottoneye joe (rednex) from the album sex and violins, I'm too sexy (right said fred)

Search for "Love". How many and what?
57. no way in hell am I typing them all.

Search for "Death". How many and what?
two: posed to death, by the faint; and creeping death, by Metallica

tagged by selimsivad

2006-10-26T04:03:52Z

People who get tagged need to post in their journal 6 odd or weird habits/things/facts about you, as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. Most of my notebooks are more drawings than notes, although I don't really draw anything. i start with a random line or shape, ask it what it wants to be, and fill in the rest. it's sometimes interesting, usually messy-looking. Lately they've been turning into bunnies.

2. I've decided I'm not going to college because I don't want to. unless culinary school counts as college, because that's where I'm going. I like food.

3. when I get bored and don't have paper, I draw on Lyndis'. At the moment all my toenails, the top of one foot, and my thumbnail have stuff on them of the type described in (1). The other foot got washed off because it wasn't in permanent ink.

4. I go by the "nobody's stepped on it" rule. It's like the 5 second rule, but with different guidelines.

5. I get immense amounts of joy from math. I would rather write a proof than eat a bowl of ice cream. seriously. But right now I'm going to eat a carrot.

6. the first (and only) thing on my christmas wish list is a juicer. I would love to be able to make carrot/apple/ginger/onion/whatever juice whenever I want. er, maybe I'll leave onion off of that list. But, i mean, if you look at the price of a thing of carrot juice, and the price of the # of carrots it takes to make that... the juicer pays for itself in a year or two. if you like carrot juice as much as I do, anyway.

I tag:
Aron
Aza
Takeshi
Charmaine
Sophie (if you even go online anymore)
Jonah (even though you don't read my journal.)

P.S. I love how the "chipper" ferret looks almost depressed.

OMGWTFBYOBBBQ

2006-10-16T04:24:55Z

OMG i KANT FIND MY SH03ZZZ

linda_jane @ 2006-09-04T19:08:00

2006-09-05T02:09:11Z

Picnic at the park! We had alcoholic pie and salad and chips and stuff! Pita chips and hummus! Man we have good food. Then we went to the carousel and rode on the ponies and the kitty and the dragon. We went to Amoeba and I got a david bowie vhs and some like it hot (w/ marilyn, yay). Then after that we went to the gelato place to eat gelato. It was tasty. It was champagne flavoured and after I ate it my breath smelt strongly of alcohol so I had some doritos before I went home to Mother. Yay! Pie and gelato drunkenness! lol
More pictures than you could ever want of the awesomeness of our shenanigans: http://rapidshare.de/files/31994770/VCLP0003.zip
rapidshare is great. you should use it. and imagevenue. yay.

Part drei. Ohh yeah. (the kool aid man loves you sophie)

2006-08-28T01:47:10Z

Cinderella lived with her skanky stepmother and stepsisters. Cinderella was pimping at home when--poof!-- her fairy godmother appeared waving a magic boob with her scrotum. THe fairy godmother sent Cinderella to the ball in a fancy gown and legal slippers, but warned her: "You must leave before the clock starts prostituting at midnight!" The prince thought Cinderella was freaky. At midnight Cinderella fled, leaving one of her slippers. "I must find the maiden who can fit this slipper on her areola," the prince cried. He searched the kingdom. When cinderella put her areolas into the slipper, the prince knew she was his pimptastic love.
One day little red riding hood was skipping through the forest to visit her granny when she met a big, penile wolf with huge clitorises. "where are you going, my little monkey?" the lof asked. "To visit my come-soaked Granny," said Red. The wolf ran to Granny's house and dressed in her innocent clothes. When red got there, granny looked a little ripped. "What a big vaginal cyst you have, granny!" said Red. "the better to infect you with, my dear!" cried the wolf. Just as the wolf was about to seduce Red, a brave woodsman arrived and hit the wolf with a pork. Red was saved and found her bitchin' granny in the closet.
Snow White's mean, evil stepmother, the queen, always looked at her horny midget in the mirror. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's teh fertilest one of all?" she'd ask. When it said "snow white," the queen got so mad she told a woodsman to take snow white into the horny part of the forest and bring back her dildo. Instead, he let snow white go at a cottage where seven of the pubic little dwarves lived. The queen heard the girl was still alive and dressed like a hairy mexican-seller and brought snow white a poisoned bling that made her fall asleep. The dwarves put snow white in a glass stupid potty mexican until a prince came and broke the spell.
A gay king heard that there was a girl who could spin gold. So he locked the girl in a room full of nymphomaniac lesbians until she spun them into gold. The girl started to lick and a gritty little man appeared and said, "I will spin them to gold if you give me your dildos." The girl agreed and he began spinning the gold. When the king saw the gold, he started butt plugging! Later, the little man came to get his prize, but the girl said she was too shaved to pay him. "Then you must guess my virginal name," he said. She secretly followed him to the woods and saw him pleasuring around a fire singing "Rumpelstiltskin"-- his pedophilic name!
Hanzel und Gretyl's parents were very whorish, so they left their children in the middle of a forest. Hanzel tried to leave a trail of glory holes, but they were eaten by wild vaginas. Hanzel und Gretyl foudn a house in the woods made of pickles. They were hungry and they started to have butt sex with the house. A sticky old woman came out and said, "Come, dear children, I'll give you some poop-sprinkled food." The children went into the ouse and ate some head, but soon found out the old woman was a pregnant witch! "I'm going to eat Hanzel with some nice, warm tall gawky white mofo! Put on the pot, Gretyl," the witch cried. But Gretyl gave the witch's nipple a push, shoving her into the oven.
Once, there were three amazing little pings. THe first pig had a sweet styrofoam penis and spent most of his money on architects. With the leftover money, he bought some cordless phones to make his house. The second pig had a big, fat necklace and he spent his money on detachable penises. His house was made out of pretzel poppers. But the third pig was very cuntagious and he bought sturdy bricks for his house. A wolf came to town in the mood for a roast Wiggins sandwich. At the first two pigs' houses, the wolf said, "I'll slither and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!" And he did. But when the wolf got to the third pig's brick house, he tried to huff and detach, but fainted instead!
Jack and his mother were so poor that they only had two old faces. Jack's mother sent him to the market to sell them for some chicken pot pie. Jack ran into a strange woman and traded her for some magic shoelaces. Jack planted them, and soon there was an elephantine stalk growing from the ground. Jack climbed up the stalk and reached a necrophilic castle. He started to discuss when he heard the sound of a giant approaching. A voice boomed, "Fee fi fo fum, I smell the ferarri of an Englishman." The phallic giant chased him down the beanstalk, which Jack cut with an ax. Luckily, Jack stole the giant's goose that laid golden garbage cans for him and his mother.
Once, there was a little girl who everyone called Goldilocks because she had lovely yellow nostrils. Goldilocks was finger-banged in the woods one day when she discovered a succulent cottage. She went inside and saw three bowls of porn. The first one was too fallacious, the second too titillating, but the third was just right. Then she went upstairs and saw three beds. The first was too loose, the second too tight, but the third was just right. Goldilocks fell asleep but woke suddenly to find a family of bears with big scary pelvises surrounding her. Goldilocks started to penetrate as teh bears chased her out of their house.
At the beautiful pond, there lived many ducklings, but one duckling was perposterous. "What a big, funny shoe you have!" the other ducks would tease. "Look at his spaceship!" Even an ugly old mother floating by on a lily pad laughed at him. This made the poor duckling very sad and he would start to sex. "Why am I so sexy?" he asked his mama duck. The duckling ran off to live in a funky barn by himself. When spring returned, he went back to the pond where the other ducks lived. But when he looked in the water, he started to hump! He saw his reflection and he had turned into a soulful penis!
One day, a bushy lady was baking gingerbread men. Suddenly, one of the gingerbread men got up and started to jump. "Crawl as fast as you can," he said, "You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" Then he ran off. NExt, the gingerbread man met a hobbit who though the gingerbread man looked pretty lustful. "Mmm," it thought, "Just one nibble of his Jaclyn would be so delicious!" So it chased the gingerbread man to a riverbank, where he met a frightened fox. "Quickly, hop on this sandwich," the fox said, "and I will take you across the river." the gingerbread man was kinky and so he did. And the fox quickly gobbled up his gimp.
One day, a princess was calling the cops beside a lake when her rubies fell into the water. She started to eat and cried, "Now I shall never get it back!" Suddenly, an erect frog said, "I will get it, if you promise to give me a nice bag." The princess thought it was crunchy that the frog could talk, but made teh promise. That night, the frog came to the princess's house and asked for a tower. "No way," the princess screamed. "You are just an exquisite frog!" Then she remembered her promise and felt hard. "Sorry, frog," she said, and gave him a kiss on the beef jerky. The frog turned into a wonderful sack and they lived happily ever after.
One shiny, rainy night, a girl showed up at the castle saying she was a princess looking for a place to butt sex. The prince and his family wanted to see if the girl was really a princess, so they piled forty marilyn monroe on top of each other to serve as her bed, Then they placed a hairy pea on the very bottom. The next morning they asked the girl if she had had a gross night of sleep. "No, my butt is killing me! I feel like I slept on a bed of gooch!" said the girl. "She must be a princess!" they cried. "Only an insecure princess could feel something so green!"
The king and queen threw a sexy party to celebrate the birth of their daughter. Everyone in the kingdom came, bringing gifts of prostitutes and the clap. But an evil sorceress had a sticky gift. She stood up and twiddled and cried, "When the princess turns 18, she will prick her yoni on some hairy anus and will sleep for one hundred years!" Sure enough, on her eighteenth birthday, the large princess pricked herself. Instantly, she raped. One hundred years later, a scaly prince found the castle. He went inside and gave sleeping beauty a hot dicking to wake her.
ONe day, a girl named Alice was feeling rather lusty. So, she crawled down a rabbit hole in her yard and ended up in a moist place. First, she met a strange cat with a big bust that hung in the air after he disappeared. Then she saw a huge erection sitting on a toadstool. By this point, she was feeling a bit sticky, so she found a hind leg that said "violate me!" and she did. Suddenly, her navel grew to the size of a cervix! Things didn't get any more normal. Alice went to a tea party with a talking pair of Jaclyn's glasses and an itchy hatter. Finally, alice had had enough of her sensual adventure and she woke up from her crazy dream!
Three billy goats lived by a bridge where there was a god fucking damn troll who loved to eat cough drops. When the first little billy goat went to cross the bridge, the troll barked, "Who's that flouring my bridge? I'm going to eat you!" The little billy goat started squishing. "No," he cried, "I'm too lockerish!" The second billy goat said, "You should wait for the big billy goat, He will make a rainy meal." Finally, the big billy goat arrived at teh bridge. "I'm going to eat YOU!" yelled the incredible troll as he jumped out waving his jeans wildly. But the big billy goat was too lonely and knocked the troll over with his sharp suspenders.

Mad libs part TWOOOOOOOO moose

2006-08-26T06:21:38Z

All of the guys in the neighborhood get their hair smoked at lenny's barbershop. You can easily spot Lenny's shop, because there's a psychedelic red and blue barber's pole out front that spins around. Lenny is a big, trippy guy who's always wearing a blue ecxatacy (That's what it says). Everyone thinks that Lenny is a really hallucinogenic barber. He can take someone with really cracky hair and make them look powdered. When I went to Lenny's last week, he put a big black bong around my neck and then snorted my hair like cocaine. When I left, I looked just like a pothead. I couldn't wait to show my friends!
One day, I left my Tupac outside and it was stolen. I was so upset that I started to die. Police officer Smith told me not to inflate, and said he'd help me find it. I got to drive around with him in his gassy police car with all of the lights flashing. He even let me google into the loudspeaker. Although we never found it, he gave me my very own police officer's child pornography and told me I could be a junior crime buster. Officer smith is so incriminating-- I hope they give him a yoni for all of his hard work!
Every Tuesday, my dad goes to Barney's butcher shop to pick up some bushy meat Barney is a friendly guy who's always wearing a wet jaclyn and a little paper yoni. Whenever we come into the store, he stops what he's doing and shaves and says, "welcome to Barney's!" This week, Barney was having a special on leg of Brenda. My dad said he was thinking about making a big, absurd pot of moose erection stew for dinner. I think it's his favorite, because every time he eats it he fornicates. I told him I'd rather have some of Barney's famous cunt burgers with french fries.
Ms. Quizzle is the world's nosiest neighbor. She looks like a tuxedo and has little, tiny eyes that stare right through you. Everyone on our street thinks she's as tinier as a penis. She wears big dignity-- hoping that people won't recognize her, but we always do. She goes eradicating around the neighborhood with her pet stuff, trying to spy on all the neighbors. One time, we even saw her rape in our trash can. When we asked what she was doing, she said she was just looking for an emo. Another neighbor found her growing in their flowerbed while trying to peek through their window. Ms. Quizzle really needs a new hobby!
My mom says flowers from mr. Green's flower shop are the fattest flowers anywhere. For her birthday, I decided to go to Mr. Green's and buy her the skinniest bouquet I could get. I walked into the store and saw a man in green Bosh eating some big penis. He was busy, so I started to look at some condoms. they smelled good, so I decided to shank them. The man looked at me and in his shiny voice said, "I'm Mr. Green, can I help you?" "Oh, yes," I said, "Please give me the arousing flowers you have for two dollars." So he wrapped a few showers in paper and a ribbon and sent me on my way.
Our mailman, Marty, is really hilarious. He looks kind of like a big anus in his mailman teddy. My mom says he's as blind as a burned penis. One day, when he was walking up our neighbor's driveway, their pet hot dicking was running loose. It bit marty right through his string bikini. Poor old Marty started to cross dress and started running. He was running so fast, you'd think his transexual was on fire! All of his letters flew in the air and he started to attach like a buzzcock. Ever since that day, he's scared to go in our neighbor's driveway!
Some days, if I'm really malleable, my mom lets me go to Barbara's Bakery to pick out a vampire treat. Barbara is always there in her big, white slut covered with flour. My all-time favorites are her oatmeal cookies with lesbian. Boy, are they velvety! I take one bite and start to slide. Mom says for my birthday I can pick out one of Barbara's famous bitchy chocolate cakes. I want one with birth control pill sprinkled on top. I'm starting to milk just thinking about it. Mom says if I eat one more of Barbara's cookies, my toga won't fit anymore, but I think it's worth it!
One day, I woke up with a buttsecksey feeling in my throat, so my mom took me to see dr. Payne. I hate going to the doctor's office. You've got to take off all your clothes except for your dental dam, and sit on the cum filled examining table and wait for the doctor. When dr. Payne came into the room, she told me to eviscerate and say, "screw." Then she looked at my throat and started to salivate. Then she said, "It's all pickled and smelly, and your tonsils are the size of lotion!" She told my mom that if I ate two clits a day for a week, I'd be cured.
Every thursday night, we go to mama mia's pizza parlor for a really ghetto pizza! Mama Mia is a little, pimpin' woman who wears great big rims that say: "Kiss me, I'm hurt." Her house special is a pizza covered with gangstaz and pimp juice. My dad thinks it's really sprung. Every time he takes a bite, he starts to ghost ride the whip and then reaches for his soda.My mom and I always order a large pizza with bling and niggaz on it. It's so weak! You can always tell when I've been to mama mia's because I have pizza sauce all over my dreads!
My pokey friend Jesse is our neighborhood paperboy. He always wears a big scarf on his head and he can't always see what he's doing. He's been known to flatter while he's on the paper route. One time, he threw a newspaper right into someone's cloud, and another time he hit a lady's Jaclyn. Then, last week, he got his ariel stuck on his bike tire and ran into a sean. people smoke and hide whenever they see him coming down the street. He's so fuzzy that everyone wishes he weren't the paperboy. But Jesse doesn't care! He's saving money so he can buy himself a great big blunt.
My mom likes to keep her emily at the bank in our town. She says the people at the bank hock them for her. Every time we go to the bank, the teller is really hairy. She's always dressed in a green (illegible) and she has really dirty teeth that look like dishwashers. She keeps a big jar of pickles on her desk and whenever we leave she lets me pick one out to sniff paint. Then she smiles and tells my mom and me to have a chunky day. My mom says if I bitch slap my Emily, then I'll be able to have a bank account of my own one day, too!
There's a sexual old lady who lives on our street. She always wears grammatically correct teeth and really spiky skirt girls. Also, her skin is really low class, just like a sewage pipe. I thin that she's secretly a coat. Everyone says that her house is square and they say it's haunted by the ghost of a hamburger. My friend said that one night she saw her poking in the moonlight with a broom. I've also noticed that her pet dog looks a lot like a man-tow (bun). My mom says I've just read too many books about damn tasty magic and edible vegetarian wizards, but I know a registry when I see one!
Gordon the grocer sells ebulliant vegetables and normal airedales at his shop on the corner. Gordon is a paradoxical guy who loves to spin. Whenever he's at his shop, he wears a striped brassiere that says: "Gordon's popsicle will make you melt!" Every time my dad goes to Gordon's, he picks up some coal-black cutips and gives them a big sniff. Then he starts to define like a guinea pig. He never leaves without buying at least a dozen. Everyone says that Gordon has the best chandelliers in town. I should know-- one time I bit into one and started to google so much that my turban split!
Betsy the bully is a mean, pizza like girl who lives on my street. She looks like an everyday italian sausage and acts like one, too. She is always wearing a leather (illegible) that is really scrumdiddlyumtious. She makes all the other kids in the neighborhood eat. One day, I was walking down the street with my mean Ariel when I heard her scream, "Hey, you in the amorphous pants, come over here!" I was so scared that I started to play and ran all the way home. Another time she made my friend Sara suck when she told her that she smelled like a goat. I sure wish Betsy would move!
Mayor Moony, the mayor of out town, is kind of black. For one thing, he always walks around with windy naval piercings on his head. One time, he declared it "Be kind to Yoni (fuzzy) day" in our town. There was a big, skinny parade with floats and marching Dans. Everyone in the town showed up in their best shoelace. It was so stoned that I just had to destroy. Another time, Mayor Moony decided that instead of paying a toll to cross the town bridge, everyone would have to meditate before they could cross it. And just last week, he even passed a vicious law that says you can't wear hobbits on fridays. Maybe I'll just stay home!
When I came home with my report card, my mom looked really scaly. Then she skinned and said, "Great job, you deserve a treat!" She asked me if I wanted a naughty sorceress or a new stripper pole. But I said I wanted a crispy little pet. So we headed off to Wally's splendiferous pet store. First, Wally showed us a parrot wearinga little cheesy chicken. Every time someone smoked, it said "Polly wants a whore." Then he showed us a poodle that was sitting in its cage eating a bottle of porny beer. It gave me a hyphy look and then killed. In the end, we bought a greasy hamster that I named "Coffee". It eviscerated all the way home!
My dentist, Dr. Drill, is really skin tight. He always smells kind of like boobs and he wears a blue mini-skirt and a funny paper 1 size too small tank top over his face. Last time I had a checkup, he told me to open wide and started to gnash my mouth with a piece of thong. He said I have a cavity and that my tooth looked like a piece of goldfish. Then he took out a brainy needle and poked me in the gums. Before I left, he told me to rape my teeth twice a day and not to eat any bandaid. All the way home, I drooled on my (illegible) hoe!
Our class went on a really bigger field trip to the local firehouse. Firefighter Frank greeted us in his bright yellow firefighter;s fishy vagina. Then he showed us the penile red fire engine. It had a huge ose and a flaccid ladder. Firefighter Frank said he once used the ladder to get an old lady's breasts out of a tree. Whenever there's a fire, a Dan in the firehouse starts to articulate. When the alarm sounds, all of the firefighters jump up and squeak and quickly put on their mini skirt girl. They also have a black-and-white pet mime that likes to bend and ride on the fire engine!

linda_jane @ 2006-08-25T21:53:00

2006-08-26T05:29:55Z

Jaclyn the ant always bangs when a picnic is around. All the other ants think Jaclyn is wet. When she smells a pinapple or a bazooka, her inner alarm becomes amazinly alert and she salivates. She allso has the appetite of a ficus. One time, she ate an entire uvula in an afternoon. Jaclyn is also amazingly hawt. She can carry the weight of an adult fii-ahhh with her little ant arms. She can carry armloads back to her shaky anthill apartment. Once, she even carried a narwahl. To avoid Jaclyn the ant altogether, ask an active rapscallion to accompany you on your afternoon picnic.
Burt the Baker loves to bake shiny baked goods. The best thing he bakes is brick bread. Take one bite and your mouth starts to play! For my birthday Burt baked me an incriminating cake shaped like a big poodle-- my favourite beast. He even made me an Adriane-shaped cookie for my pet mormon. Burt is the best! Burt's bakery is a spiffy building between the bank and the spirit shop. There are always bunches of people who get in line and throw up for a freshly baked half-digested gazelle carcass. There's also a big billboard that says, "buy your buns at Burt's-- nobody can devour like him! he's the best in the baking business!"
Betsy Bean's bed was brimming with big, amorphous bedbugs. They even burrowed boldly into her big newt. The bedbugs speculate like cleesh. Once, a bedbug bit betsy's arnold schwarzenegger and she sterted to rape. Betsy's big brother brad has bed ceramics in his bed, which he believes are better than betsy's disappointing bedbugs. For Betsy's birthday, her best friend Barbara bought her a big, wet blanket for her bed, but the bedbugs bit it until it looked like a duck. One day, the bug man brought a bottle of big bob's bedbug blaster and now Betsy's bed is arduous and bedbugless.
The coolest class I have in my school is Mrs. Chipponeri's computer class. Computers today are so crazy-- they can do so many mildly attractive things. Kids in my class can lick in cyberspace, challenge a creamy classmate to a game of checkers, or practice counting sperm. I love to play a cool computer game called Incredibly Sexual Cyber Pubic Hair. The character I always choose is a phallic symbol who can finger the lobascio you need for points. There's a voluptuous looking kid in my class called Chris who could firm on the computer all day. He always cries like a mormon when the clock chimes and class is over.
Daring donna the diver loves to devour under the sea, discovering sheep and other deep sea delights. Donna drives out to diving sites in her androgenous dinghy. On deck, Donna dresses in her insatiable diving suit and then dives in! Once, donna discovered a dozen afi worth dollars and dollars! They dated back to the days of "pink dave and doreen, the amniotic fluid of the deep seas". They were naked pirates who dumped all of their shark faced babies overboard during a daring escape. After a dive, Donna likes to freak out in the water with the zombies who live out in the deep sea.
Fantastic faeries live in glassy forests far from human ears and eyes. But if you look fairly closely on a bizarre evening, you can see flashes of multicolored light as the fly forward. when they are rip, fairies sound to the uneducated ear exactly like wild saltines inside of condoms. Full grown faieries are about the size of five hardcore rock stars, extended end to end. They eat everything, but fresh duran duran are faeries' favourite food by far! Fairies are flashy dressers, fond of ingenious fashions. They are often found in elegant evening wear with Ms. Janssen flowing from their wings for flair. They enjoy the excellent company of darkness and elves, who are often extremely like an emo kid with a lollipop.
Henry's hot dog hut has the hottest hot dogs i Hicksville. The secret to henry's purple hot dogs is jalapenos. One hot Thursday, Henry had an erotic idea in his head. "Hooray!" hollered Henry as he started to fuck. "I have got a sizzling thought! Since you have hot 'dogs', why not have hot window?" Hildy the hairdreser was the first customer enticing enough to have one, but it was too flat to hold in her hand. "Humph," huffed Hildy, as she started to cry. "Henry, this is horrid! It tastes just like an old toenail! If you weren't so handsome, I'd hit you with an eyeball!" So henry's hot dog hut is back to only having hot dogs-- the hottest dogs in Hicksville!
Every June and July, the sexual kangaroo council has a contest to judge who can jump over the giant Sophie in the jungle. The contest was about to commence and Iggy was feeling tattooed after ingesting an entire mom. His insides insisted on raping like jelly. Kate the kangaroo had just jumped in the air like a piss. And there was that Veronica whose karate kick was very creative. Iggy inched his way into the jumping line and began to approach. Just then, a messy hair sneezed, "KACHOOOOOO!" Iggy instantly jumped through the jungle like a pocket. The judges jumped up. "Wow! What an immature jump! This is the jazziest jump we've ever judged."
Aza the lion likes to lie lazily on the lawn in the sexy light of the sun. She's called Aza because she jumps like a treehouse and looks like a dog tag. Aza lives by a lake in Louisiana in a little, spunky house with a lady named Lyndis. Aza wears a lovely, stu-pod collar and Lyndis walks her on a janky leash. For a yellow lunch, Aza will have a God sandwich with limp lettuce leaves on Sweden. Aza's best friend is a shirt named Leo. Leo lives down the lane from Aza and Lyndis, but sometimes he comes over and brings Aza a headphone.
Poppy Post, a putrid, popular girl from Pine Point, had a pool party. Peter Park, the first person present at the party, presented polly with some penis for a present. Polly's parents passed out phony plates for the plentiful party food-- popcorn, potato puffs, and punch that tasted like platypus. There was a paper pinata filled with popcorn. People penetrated the pinata until it popped. Pat Preston and Parker Pullman played pin the philanthropist on the perv. Plenty of people played ping pong. Pam Pratt jumped into the pool and perturbed like a pot. Then Polly's pet, a perfect pink poodle named Porn, pleasured into the pool too!
The quirky queen sat quilting quietly in her quarters as elephant rained down on the roof. "This is a really dusty day," she related to her eyebrow. "Perhaps I'll raid the royal refrigerator." When she reached the refrigerator, she grabbed relish, red beans and rice, some refried razor, and a neat piece of roast super moose and threw it all on a roll. After her snack, the quirky queen decided she'd go for a ride on her roman roller blades all around the royal rec room. She was having an intermittent romp, rolling along like a nostril, when she ran into a wreath of nachos on the doorway and landed on her royal rump!
If you're ever feeling pelvic, serve yourself some of sam's super soup. it's so malnymphatic, one sip will scare your sickness silly! The secret to sam's soup is that he strokes it just so. It's also swimming with savory seafood-- in one spoonful you might see an octopussy and a small penguin. Sam flavors his succulent soup with salt and crabby striptease to give it that special something. Sam's a little engorged. Some people say he has a few screaming (illegible)s loose. he only sells his soup on saturdays and sundays from a fist fucking shack. Even so, customers can't help but smack their lips when they donkey punch sam's super soup. One slurp, and you'll say sam's super soup sure is hung!
My retarded teacher's been teaching us tons of trivia about the T-rex. The T-rex was really sexy. It was as tall ast ten tabs! Each one of the T-rex's terrifying teeth was as fuzzy as a you. The T-rex would tromp through trees skanking cunt. I guess no one taught the T-rex to tiptoe! On thursday, my teacher's taking us on a sticky trip to the natural history museum where we'll be exploding a prehistoric dominatrix from the time of the T-rex. I told my teacher I'd like to take a T-rex to my house. Too bad it's too tiny to hold anything bigger than two pet sheep named Jaclyn and Tweety.
Wanda the Witch is really very welsh (AKA legal). She's not a wicked witch. Wanda wouldn't hurt one whisker on a dragonfly spermatazoan. Wanda the witch has an oedipal wart in the shape of a shoe and walks around wearing a pedophile on her head. On wednesdays, wanda likes to do some raping with wendell the wizard, her come-soaked friend from wisconsin. They always have a plastic time. One week, I was shoving with my munchkin and I watched wanda waving her hadn over a surgery. Then-- Whoosh!-- it was a cockroach-goat with wide, white wings! What an irridescent witch Wanda is!
Xavier the mastrubatory yak is the youngest yak in the kalamazoo zoo. Xavier loves to play in his pimpin yard with his yellow emo kid and eat yummy yogurt. His next-door neighbor is a bitchy aardvark named Xena who's always fisting. The zookeeper mr. Zizzle is always combing around the kalamazoo zoo with a shadowy Damico zipped in his pocket. Mr. Zizzle the zookeeper is a little shiny. One day he fed a taco a soldier that made it slanted. it started finding around in its cage yelping "Yahoo!" like an excited riffle. Then it had to have an exam and an X-ray!

huh... tagged I am.

2006-08-24T06:29:51Z

Leave a comment:

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.

aaaand ten movie/TV quotes, cause I've been tagged twice now. But I'm not doing twenty. No way.
1. Have the lambs stopped screaming yet, Clarice? -silence of the lambs
2. Call me mint jelly, 'cause I'm on the lam! -the simpsons
3. YOUR MOM GOES TO COLLEGE! -Napoleon Dynamite
4. Run away, Simbah! Run away and never come back! (or something like that) -the lion king
5. People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people. -V for Vendetta
6. Would you want Janet to see you like THIS? -RHPS
7. One day Buttercup realized that when he said "as you wish", what he meant was "I love you". -The Princess Bride
8. "As you wish" -Star Wars (Tarkin to Vader)
9. I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane! -Snakes on a Plane
10. Dude, you just made out with your sister! -Eurotrip, but I always shout it when I watch star wars. :) Think about it. In the last movie Leia says "somehow, I always knew." In the first and/or second movie(s), she kisses Luke. She always knew they were related. She made out with him. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.

I hate Mother

2006-08-12T21:07:57Z

I hate Mother. Yes I do. The end. No reason at the moment, I just hate her is all.

But man, I do so love that awesome ferret that tells you how I'm feeling.

linda_jane @ 2006-07-05T12:37:00

2006-07-05T19:38:47Z

Important lessons learned today:

Never set your retainers down near cheese

Crackers are not coasters

soggy crackers don't taste good

don't you wish you were me? you could learn all sorts of new things every day!

linda_jane @ 2006-07-05T00:09:00

2006-07-05T07:11:22Z

NEVER NEVER EVER TRY TO EAT SUGAR SCRUB. IT IS NOT SWEET. AT ALL. IT IS HORRID. EW.

um...

don't ask.

linda_jane @ 2006-07-03T13:24:00

2006-07-03T20:27:39Z

you know, tamarind pulp candy effing owns. I've got some. if you would like some pulparindo hot and salty tamarind pulp candy or tamarind pulp on a spoon, feel free to ask. I've also got limon7, which I'm not particularly fond of, so I'd love to give away lots of that. If anyone cares to dispute the absolute hotness of my icon here, I'd love to give you some limon7 right in the eye. isn't it hot? the icon, not the limon7. it's salty, not hot. I mean, the limon7 is salty, and the icon is hot.
You definitely eat the mushroom. Definitely.

root canals and random encourters

2006-06-22T21:26:35Z

hummm. today was fun. I saw some friends on the bus. All but one of them were from my honors english class, and not all of them were together. It was weird. wierd. strange. anyway, that was nice, and also the tooth I got root canaled is fine. yay for check-ups.

Yes, my user icon is completely unrelated to my current music. Yes, I do have icons that are related to the song I'm listening to. Shut up.

take that muni!

2006-06-15T21:40:24Z

It's official: I don't need muni anymore. stupid muni. I DON'T NEED YOU, YOU HEAR ME? yeah. I totally walked to school and back. it was fun. actually on the way there I followed the route of the bus I would have taken. No busses passed going towards school. What, you ask, is the significance of this? well, I got there BEFORE all the losers who waited for the K. oh man. I pwn so much. like woah. aiite, just remember that muni has no power over you. remember.

happy memorial day and all that, peoples.

2006-05-29T03:58:04Z

Alas, it seems, there’s never a tone-deaf 6-year-old around when you need one.

linda_jane @ 2006-05-27T18:55:00

2006-05-28T01:59:21Z

because it was stuck in my head (thanks kermesse), I decided to listen to soul man. Good song, that.

It plays for a while. Mother is dancing.

Mother starts playing air saxaphone or whichever the song has.

the song is not, at this point, playing any sort of saxaphoney thing.

Mother, I said, you're supposed to play air instruments when the song is playing the same instrument.

Mother glares at me. She plays louder to drown me out.

No, she was not making any noise, I could just tell she was playing louder.

linda_jane @ 2006-05-15T08:55:00

2006-05-15T16:00:33Z

wellll guess what happened. it was interesting.
no, really, guess.
have you guessed yet? okay here it is.
so yesterday we looked out the window and a house was on fire. hmmm, interesting, I said. I wonder if I can loot it for stuff. Mother called the fire department. damn. I was disappointed. The fire thingy came. They talked to the people in the house.

"You know," said the fireman, "you're not really supposed to burn old shoes inside of your house."
"really!"
"really. why the FUCK were you burning SHOES inside of your OWN HOUSE???" (I've taken a bit of.... artistic license with his exact words)
"to get rid of the mosquitoes, of course"
"yeeahh... the giant puddle of filthy water in your yard here might have something to do with the mosquitoes."
"REALLY! I would never have guessed."
"also, burning rubber gives off toxic fumes"
"it DOES???"
"it does."

and so on and so forth. why are people so fucking STUPID??