Mad libs part TWOOOOOOOO moose
All of the guys in the neighborhood get their hair smoked at lenny's barbershop. You can easily spot Lenny's shop, because there's a psychedelic red and blue barber's pole out front that spins around. Lenny is a big, trippy guy who's always wearing a blue ecxatacy (That's what it says). Everyone thinks that Lenny is a really hallucinogenic barber. He can take someone with really cracky hair and make them look powdered. When I went to Lenny's last week, he put a big black bong around my neck and then snorted my hair like cocaine. When I left, I looked just like a pothead. I couldn't wait to show my friends!
One day, I left my Tupac outside and it was stolen. I was so upset that I started to die. Police officer Smith told me not to inflate, and said he'd help me find it. I got to drive around with him in his gassy police car with all of the lights flashing. He even let me google into the loudspeaker. Although we never found it, he gave me my very own police officer's child pornography and told me I could be a junior crime buster. Officer smith is so incriminating-- I hope they give him a yoni for all of his hard work!
Every Tuesday, my dad goes to Barney's butcher shop to pick up some bushy meat Barney is a friendly guy who's always wearing a wet jaclyn and a little paper yoni. Whenever we come into the store, he stops what he's doing and shaves and says, "welcome to Barney's!" This week, Barney was having a special on leg of Brenda. My dad said he was thinking about making a big, absurd pot of moose erection stew for dinner. I think it's his favorite, because every time he eats it he fornicates. I told him I'd rather have some of Barney's famous cunt burgers with french fries.
Ms. Quizzle is the world's nosiest neighbor. She looks like a tuxedo and has little, tiny eyes that stare right through you. Everyone on our street thinks she's as tinier as a penis. She wears big dignity-- hoping that people won't recognize her, but we always do. She goes eradicating around the neighborhood with her pet stuff, trying to spy on all the neighbors. One time, we even saw her rape in our trash can. When we asked what she was doing, she said she was just looking for an emo. Another neighbor found her growing in their flowerbed while trying to peek through their window. Ms. Quizzle really needs a new hobby!
My mom says flowers from mr. Green's flower shop are the fattest flowers anywhere. For her birthday, I decided to go to Mr. Green's and buy her the skinniest bouquet I could get. I walked into the store and saw a man in green Bosh eating some big penis. He was busy, so I started to look at some condoms. they smelled good, so I decided to shank them. The man looked at me and in his shiny voice said, "I'm Mr. Green, can I help you?" "Oh, yes," I said, "Please give me the arousing flowers you have for two dollars." So he wrapped a few showers in paper and a ribbon and sent me on my way.
Our mailman, Marty, is really hilarious. He looks kind of like a big anus in his mailman teddy. My mom says he's as blind as a burned penis. One day, when he was walking up our neighbor's driveway, their pet hot dicking was running loose. It bit marty right through his string bikini. Poor old Marty started to cross dress and started running. He was running so fast, you'd think his transexual was on fire! All of his letters flew in the air and he started to attach like a buzzcock. Ever since that day, he's scared to go in our neighbor's driveway!
Some days, if I'm really malleable, my mom lets me go to Barbara's Bakery to pick out a vampire treat. Barbara is always there in her big, white slut covered with flour. My all-time favorites are her oatmeal cookies with lesbian. Boy, are they velvety! I take one bite and start to slide. Mom says for my birthday I can pick out one of Barbara's famous bitchy chocolate cakes. I want one with birth control pill sprinkled on top. I'm starting to milk just thinking about it. Mom says if I eat one more of Barbara's cookies, my toga won't fit anymore, but I think it's worth it!
One day, I woke up with a buttsecksey feeling in my throat, so my mom took me to see dr. Payne. I hate going to the doctor's office. You've got to take off all your clothes except for your dental dam, and sit on the cum filled examining table and wait for the doctor. When dr. Payne came into the room, she told me to eviscerate and say, "screw." Then she looked at my throat and started to salivate. Then she said, "It's all pickled and smelly, and your tonsils are the size of lotion!" She told my mom that if I ate two clits a day for a week, I'd be cured.
Every thursday night, we go to mama mia's pizza parlor for a really ghetto pizza! Mama Mia is a little, pimpin' woman who wears great big rims that say: "Kiss me, I'm hurt." Her house special is a pizza covered with gangstaz and pimp juice. My dad thinks it's really sprung. Every time he takes a bite, he starts to ghost ride the whip and then reaches for his soda.My mom and I always order a large pizza with bling and niggaz on it. It's so weak! You can always tell when I've been to mama mia's because I have pizza sauce all over my dreads!
My pokey friend Jesse is our neighborhood paperboy. He always wears a big scarf on his head and he can't always see what he's doing. He's been known to flatter while he's on the paper route. One time, he threw a newspaper right into someone's cloud, and another time he hit a lady's Jaclyn. Then, last week, he got his ariel stuck on his bike tire and ran into a sean. people smoke and hide whenever they see him coming down the street. He's so fuzzy that everyone wishes he weren't the paperboy. But Jesse doesn't care! He's saving money so he can buy himself a great big blunt.
My mom likes to keep her emily at the bank in our town. She says the people at the bank hock them for her. Every time we go to the bank, the teller is really hairy. She's always dressed in a green (illegible) and she has really dirty teeth that look like dishwashers. She keeps a big jar of pickles on her desk and whenever we leave she lets me pick one out to sniff paint. Then she smiles and tells my mom and me to have a chunky day. My mom says if I bitch slap my Emily, then I'll be able to have a bank account of my own one day, too!
There's a sexual old lady who lives on our street. She always wears grammatically correct teeth and really spiky skirt girls. Also, her skin is really low class, just like a sewage pipe. I thin that she's secretly a coat. Everyone says that her house is square and they say it's haunted by the ghost of a hamburger. My friend said that one night she saw her poking in the moonlight with a broom. I've also noticed that her pet dog looks a lot like a man-tow (bun). My mom says I've just read too many books about damn tasty magic and edible vegetarian wizards, but I know a registry when I see one!
Gordon the grocer sells ebulliant vegetables and normal airedales at his shop on the corner. Gordon is a paradoxical guy who loves to spin. Whenever he's at his shop, he wears a striped brassiere that says: "Gordon's popsicle will make you melt!" Every time my dad goes to Gordon's, he picks up some coal-black cutips and gives them a big sniff. Then he starts to define like a guinea pig. He never leaves without buying at least a dozen. Everyone says that Gordon has the best chandelliers in town. I should know-- one time I bit into one and started to google so much that my turban split!
Betsy the bully is a mean, pizza like girl who lives on my street. She looks like an everyday italian sausage and acts like one, too. She is always wearing a leather (illegible) that is really scrumdiddlyumtious. She makes all the other kids in the neighborhood eat. One day, I was walking down the street with my mean Ariel when I heard her scream, "Hey, you in the amorphous pants, come over here!" I was so scared that I started to play and ran all the way home. Another time she made my friend Sara suck when she told her that she smelled like a goat. I sure wish Betsy would move!
Mayor Moony, the mayor of out town, is kind of black. For one thing, he always walks around with windy naval piercings on his head. One time, he declared it "Be kind to Yoni (fuzzy) day" in our town. There was a big, skinny parade with floats and marching Dans. Everyone in the town showed up in their best shoelace. It was so stoned that I just had to destroy. Another time, Mayor Moony decided that instead of paying a toll to cross the town bridge, everyone would have to meditate before they could cross it. And just last week, he even passed a vicious law that says you can't wear hobbits on fridays. Maybe I'll just stay home!
When I came home with my report card, my mom looked really scaly. Then she skinned and said, "Great job, you deserve a treat!" She asked me if I wanted a naughty sorceress or a new stripper pole. But I said I wanted a crispy little pet. So we headed off to Wally's splendiferous pet store. First, Wally showed us a parrot wearinga little cheesy chicken. Every time someone smoked, it said "Polly wants a whore." Then he showed us a poodle that was sitting in its cage eating a bottle of porny beer. It gave me a hyphy look and then killed. In the end, we bought a greasy hamster that I named "Coffee". It eviscerated all the way home!
My dentist, Dr. Drill, is really skin tight. He always smells kind of like boobs and he wears a blue mini-skirt and a funny paper 1 size too small tank top over his face. Last time I had a checkup, he told me to open wide and started to gnash my mouth with a piece of thong. He said I have a cavity and that my tooth looked like a piece of goldfish. Then he took out a brainy needle and poked me in the gums. Before I left, he told me to rape my teeth twice a day and not to eat any bandaid. All the way home, I drooled on my (illegible) hoe!
Our class went on a really bigger field trip to the local firehouse. Firefighter Frank greeted us in his bright yellow firefighter;s fishy vagina. Then he showed us the penile red fire engine. It had a huge ose and a flaccid ladder. Firefighter Frank said he once used the ladder to get an old lady's breasts out of a tree. Whenever there's a fire, a Dan in the firehouse starts to articulate. When the alarm sounds, all of the firefighters jump up and squeak and quickly put on their mini skirt girl. They also have a black-and-white pet mime that likes to bend and ride on the fire engine!