Friday, August 25th, 2006

Time	Event
9:53p	Jaclyn the ant always bangs when a picnic is around. All the other ants think Jaclyn is wet. When she smells a pinapple or a bazooka, her inner alarm becomes amazinly alert and she salivates. She allso has the appetite of a ficus. One time, she ate an entire uvula in an afternoon. Jaclyn is also amazingly hawt. She can carry the weight of an adult fii-ahhh with her little ant arms. She can carry armloads back to her shaky anthill apartment. Once, she even carried a narwahl. To avoid Jaclyn the ant altogether, ask an active rapscallion to accompany you on your afternoon picnic. Burt the Baker loves to bake shiny baked goods. The best thing he bakes is brick bread. Take one bite and your mouth starts to play! For my birthday Burt baked me an incriminating cake shaped like a big poodle-- my favourite beast. He even made me an Adriane-shaped cookie for my pet mormon. Burt is the best! Burt's bakery is a spiffy building between the bank and the spirit shop. There are always bunches of people who get in line and throw up for a freshly baked half-digested gazelle carcass. There's also a big billboard that says, "buy your buns at Burt's-- nobody can devour like him! he's the best in the baking business!" Betsy Bean's bed was brimming with big, amorphous bedbugs. They even burrowed boldly into her big newt. The bedbugs speculate like cleesh. Once, a bedbug bit betsy's arnold schwarzenegger and she sterted to rape. Betsy's big brother brad has bed ceramics in his bed, which he believes are better than betsy's disappointing bedbugs. For Betsy's birthday, her best friend Barbara bought her a big, wet blanket for her bed, but the bedbugs bit it until it looked like a duck. One day, the bug man brought a bottle of big bob's bedbug blaster and now Betsy's bed is arduous and bedbugless. The coolest class I have in my school is Mrs. Chipponeri's computer class. Computers today are so crazy-- they can do so many mildly attractive things. Kids in my class can lick in cyberspace, challenge a creamy classmate to a game of checkers, or practice counting sperm. I love to play a cool computer game called Incredibly Sexual Cyber Pubic Hair. The character I always choose is a phallic symbol who can finger the lobascio you need for points. There's a voluptuous looking kid in my class called Chris who could firm on the computer all day. He always cries like a mormon when the clock chimes and class is over. Daring donna the diver loves to devour under the sea, discovering sheep and other deep sea delights. Donna drives out to diving sites in her androgenous dinghy. On deck, Donna dresses in her insatiable diving suit and then dives in! Once, donna discovered a dozen afi worth dollars and dollars! They dated back to the days of "pink dave and doreen, the amniotic fluid of the deep seas". They were naked pirates who dumped all of their shark faced babies overboard during a daring escape. After a dive, Donna likes to freak out in the water with the zombies who live out in the deep sea. Fantastic faeries live in glassy forests far from human ears and eyes. But if you look fairly closely on a bizarre evening, you can see flashes of multicolored light as the fly forward. when they are rip, fairies sound to the uneducated ear exactly like wild saltines inside of condoms. Full grown faieries are about the size of five hardcore rock stars, extended end to end. They eat everything, but fresh duran duran are faeries' favourite food by far! Fairies are flashy dressers, fond of ingenious fashions. They are often found in elegant evening wear with Ms. Janssen flowing from their wings for flair. They enjoy the excellent company of darkness and elves, who are often extremely like an emo kid with a lollipop. Henry's hot dog hut has the hottest hot dogs i Hicksville. The secret to henry's purple hot dogs is jalapenos. One hot Thursday, Henry had an erotic idea in his head. "Hooray!" hollered Henry as he started to fuck. "I have got a sizzling thought! Since you have hot 'dogs', why not have hot window?" Hildy the hairdreser was the first customer enticing enough to have one, but it was too flat to hold in her hand. "Humph," huffed Hildy, as she started to cry. "Henry, this is horrid! It tastes just like an old toenail! If you weren't so handsome, I'd hit you with an eyeball!" So henry's hot dog hut is back to only having hot dogs-- the hottest dogs in Hicksville! Every June and July, the sexual kangaroo council has a contest to judge who can jump over the giant Sophie in the jungle. The contest was about to commence and Iggy was feeling tattooed after ingesting an entire mom. His insides insisted on raping like jelly. Kate the kangaroo had just jumped in the air like a piss. And there was that Veronica whose karate kick was very creative. Iggy inched his way into the jumping line and began to approach. Just then, a messy hair sneezed, "KACHOOOOOO!" Iggy instantly jumped through the jungle like a pocket. The judges jumped up. "Wow! What an immature jump! This is the jazziest jump we've ever judged." Aza the lion likes to lie lazily on the lawn in the sexy light of the sun. She's called Aza because she jumps like a treehouse and looks like a dog tag. Aza lives by a lake in Louisiana in a little, spunky house with a lady named Lyndis. Aza wears a lovely, stu-pod collar and Lyndis walks her on a janky leash. For a yellow lunch, Aza will have a God sandwich with limp lettuce leaves on Sweden. Aza's best friend is a shirt named Leo. Leo lives down the lane from Aza and Lyndis, but sometimes he comes over and brings Aza a headphone. Poppy Post, a putrid, popular girl from Pine Point, had a pool party. Peter Park, the first person present at the party, presented polly with some penis for a present. Polly's parents passed out phony plates for the plentiful party food-- popcorn, potato puffs, and punch that tasted like platypus. There was a paper pinata filled with popcorn. People penetrated the pinata until it popped. Pat Preston and Parker Pullman played pin the philanthropist on the perv. Plenty of people played ping pong. Pam Pratt jumped into the pool and perturbed like a pot. Then Polly's pet, a perfect pink poodle named Porn, pleasured into the pool too! The quirky queen sat quilting quietly in her quarters as elephant rained down on the roof. "This is a really dusty day," she related to her eyebrow. "Perhaps I'll raid the royal refrigerator." When she reached the refrigerator, she grabbed relish, red beans and rice, some refried razor, and a neat piece of roast super moose and threw it all on a roll. After her snack, the quirky queen decided she'd go for a ride on her roman roller blades all around the royal rec room. She was having an intermittent romp, rolling along like a nostril, when she ran into a wreath of nachos on the doorway and landed on her royal rump! If you're ever feeling pelvic, serve yourself some of sam's super soup. it's so malnymphatic, one sip will scare your sickness silly! The secret to sam's soup is that he strokes it just so. It's also swimming with savory seafood-- in one spoonful you might see an octopussy and a small penguin. Sam flavors his succulent soup with salt and crabby striptease to give it that special something. Sam's a little engorged. Some people say he has a few screaming (illegible)s loose. he only sells his soup on saturdays and sundays from a fist fucking shack. Even so, customers can't help but smack their lips when they donkey punch sam's super soup. One slurp, and you'll say sam's super soup sure is hung! My retarded teacher's been teaching us tons of trivia about the T-rex. The T-rex was really sexy. It was as tall ast ten tabs! Each one of the T-rex's terrifying teeth was as fuzzy as a you. The T-rex would tromp through trees skanking cunt. I guess no one taught the T-rex to tiptoe! On thursday, my teacher's taking us on a sticky trip to the natural history museum where we'll be exploding a prehistoric dominatrix from the time of the T-rex. I told my teacher I'd like to take a T-rex to my house. Too bad it's too tiny to hold anything bigger than two pet sheep named Jaclyn and Tweety. Wanda the Witch is really very welsh (AKA legal). She's not a wicked witch. Wanda wouldn't hurt one whisker on a dragonfly spermatazoan. Wanda the witch has an oedipal wart in the shape of a shoe and walks around wearing a pedophile on her head. On wednesdays, wanda likes to do some raping with wendell the wizard, her come-soaked friend from wisconsin. They always have a plastic time. One week, I was shoving with my munchkin and I watched wanda waving her hadn over a surgery. Then-- Whoosh!-- it was a cockroach-goat with wide, white wings! What an irridescent witch Wanda is! Xavier the mastrubatory yak is the youngest yak in the kalamazoo zoo. Xavier loves to play in his pimpin yard with his yellow emo kid and eat yummy yogurt. His next-door neighbor is a bitchy aardvark named Xena who's always fisting. The zookeeper mr. Zizzle is always combing around the kalamazoo zoo with a shadowy Damico zipped in his pocket. Mr. Zizzle the zookeeper is a little shiny. One day he fed a taco a soldier that made it slanted. it started finding around in its cage yelping "Yahoo!" like an excited riffle. Then it had to have an exam and an X-ray! (3 Comments | Comment on this)
10:41p	Mad libs part TWOOOOOOOO moose All of the guys in the neighborhood get their hair smoked at lenny's barbershop. You can easily spot Lenny's shop, because there's a psychedelic red and blue barber's pole out front that spins around. Lenny is a big, trippy guy who's always wearing a blue ecxatacy (That's what it says). Everyone thinks that Lenny is a really hallucinogenic barber. He can take someone with really cracky hair and make them look powdered. When I went to Lenny's last week, he put a big black bong around my neck and then snorted my hair like cocaine. When I left, I looked just like a pothead. I couldn't wait to show my friends! One day, I left my Tupac outside and it was stolen. I was so upset that I started to die. Police officer Smith told me not to inflate, and said he'd help me find it. I got to drive around with him in his gassy police car with all of the lights flashing. He even let me google into the loudspeaker. Although we never found it, he gave me my very own police officer's child pornography and told me I could be a junior crime buster. Officer smith is so incriminating-- I hope they give him a yoni for all of his hard work! Every Tuesday, my dad goes to Barney's butcher shop to pick up some bushy meat Barney is a friendly guy who's always wearing a wet jaclyn and a little paper yoni. Whenever we come into the store, he stops what he's doing and shaves and says, "welcome to Barney's!" This week, Barney was having a special on leg of Brenda. My dad said he was thinking about making a big, absurd pot of moose erection stew for dinner. I think it's his favorite, because every time he eats it he fornicates. I told him I'd rather have some of Barney's famous cunt burgers with french fries. Ms. Quizzle is the world's nosiest neighbor. She looks like a tuxedo and has little, tiny eyes that stare right through you. Everyone on our street thinks she's as tinier as a penis. She wears big dignity-- hoping that people won't recognize her, but we always do. She goes eradicating around the neighborhood with her pet stuff, trying to spy on all the neighbors. One time, we even saw her rape in our trash can. When we asked what she was doing, she said she was just looking for an emo. Another neighbor found her growing in their flowerbed while trying to peek through their window. Ms. Quizzle really needs a new hobby! My mom says flowers from mr. Green's flower shop are the fattest flowers anywhere. For her birthday, I decided to go to Mr. Green's and buy her the skinniest bouquet I could get. I walked into the store and saw a man in green Bosh eating some big penis. He was busy, so I started to look at some condoms. they smelled good, so I decided to shank them. The man looked at me and in his shiny voice said, "I'm Mr. Green, can I help you?" "Oh, yes," I said, "Please give me the arousing flowers you have for two dollars." So he wrapped a few showers in paper and a ribbon and sent me on my way. Our mailman, Marty, is really hilarious. He looks kind of like a big anus in his mailman teddy. My mom says he's as blind as a burned penis. One day, when he was walking up our neighbor's driveway, their pet hot dicking was running loose. It bit marty right through his string bikini. Poor old Marty started to cross dress and started running. He was running so fast, you'd think his transexual was on fire! All of his letters flew in the air and he started to attach like a buzzcock. Ever since that day, he's scared to go in our neighbor's driveway! Some days, if I'm really malleable, my mom lets me go to Barbara's Bakery to pick out a vampire treat. Barbara is always there in her big, white slut covered with flour. My all-time favorites are her oatmeal cookies with lesbian. Boy, are they velvety! I take one bite and start to slide. Mom says for my birthday I can pick out one of Barbara's famous bitchy chocolate cakes. I want one with birth control pill sprinkled on top. I'm starting to milk just thinking about it. Mom says if I eat one more of Barbara's cookies, my toga won't fit anymore, but I think it's worth it! One day, I woke up with a buttsecksey feeling in my throat, so my mom took me to see dr. Payne. I hate going to the doctor's office. You've got to take off all your clothes except for your dental dam, and sit on the cum filled examining table and wait for the doctor. When dr. Payne came into the room, she told me to eviscerate and say, "screw." Then she looked at my throat and started to salivate. Then she said, "It's all pickled and smelly, and your tonsils are the size of lotion!" She told my mom that if I ate two clits a day for a week, I'd be cured. Every thursday night, we go to mama mia's pizza parlor for a really ghetto pizza! Mama Mia is a little, pimpin' woman who wears great big rims that say: "Kiss me, I'm hurt." Her house special is a pizza covered with gangstaz and pimp juice. My dad thinks it's really sprung. Every time he takes a bite, he starts to ghost ride the whip and then reaches for his soda.My mom and I always order a large pizza with bling and niggaz on it. It's so weak! You can always tell when I've been to mama mia's because I have pizza sauce all over my dreads! My pokey friend Jesse is our neighborhood paperboy. He always wears a big scarf on his head and he can't always see what he's doing. He's been known to flatter while he's on the paper route. One time, he threw a newspaper right into someone's cloud, and another time he hit a lady's Jaclyn. Then, last week, he got his ariel stuck on his bike tire and ran into a sean. people smoke and hide whenever they see him coming down the street. He's so fuzzy that everyone wishes he weren't the paperboy. But Jesse doesn't care! He's saving money so he can buy himself a great big blunt. My mom likes to keep her emily at the bank in our town. She says the people at the bank hock them for her. Every time we go to the bank, the teller is really hairy. She's always dressed in a green (illegible) and she has really dirty teeth that look like dishwashers. She keeps a big jar of pickles on her desk and whenever we leave she lets me pick one out to sniff paint. Then she smiles and tells my mom and me to have a chunky day. My mom says if I bitch slap my Emily, then I'll be able to have a bank account of my own one day, too! There's a sexual old lady who lives on our street. She always wears grammatically correct teeth and really spiky skirt girls. Also, her skin is really low class, just like a sewage pipe. I thin that she's secretly a coat. Everyone says that her house is square and they say it's haunted by the ghost of a hamburger. My friend said that one night she saw her poking in the moonlight with a broom. I've also noticed that her pet dog looks a lot like a man-tow (bun). My mom says I've just read too many books about damn tasty magic and edible vegetarian wizards, but I know a registry when I see one! Gordon the grocer sells ebulliant vegetables and normal airedales at his shop on the corner. Gordon is a paradoxical guy who loves to spin. Whenever he's at his shop, he wears a striped brassiere that says: "Gordon's popsicle will make you melt!" Every time my dad goes to Gordon's, he picks up some coal-black cutips and gives them a big sniff. Then he starts to define like a guinea pig. He never leaves without buying at least a dozen. Everyone says that Gordon has the best chandelliers in town. I should know-- one time I bit into one and started to google so much that my turban split! Betsy the bully is a mean, pizza like girl who lives on my street. She looks like an everyday italian sausage and acts like one, too. She is always wearing a leather (illegible) that is really scrumdiddlyumtious. She makes all the other kids in the neighborhood eat. One day, I was walking down the street with my mean Ariel when I heard her scream, "Hey, you in the amorphous pants, come over here!" I was so scared that I started to play and ran all the way home. Another time she made my friend Sara suck when she told her that she smelled like a goat. I sure wish Betsy would move! Mayor Moony, the mayor of out town, is kind of black. For one thing, he always walks around with windy naval piercings on his head. One time, he declared it "Be kind to Yoni (fuzzy) day" in our town. There was a big, skinny parade with floats and marching Dans. Everyone in the town showed up in their best shoelace. It was so stoned that I just had to destroy. Another time, Mayor Moony decided that instead of paying a toll to cross the town bridge, everyone would have to meditate before they could cross it. And just last week, he even passed a vicious law that says you can't wear hobbits on fridays. Maybe I'll just stay home! When I came home with my report card, my mom looked really scaly. Then she skinned and said, "Great job, you deserve a treat!" She asked me if I wanted a naughty sorceress or a new stripper pole. But I said I wanted a crispy little pet. So we headed off to Wally's splendiferous pet store. First, Wally showed us a parrot wearinga little cheesy chicken. Every time someone smoked, it said "Polly wants a whore." Then he showed us a poodle that was sitting in its cage eating a bottle of porny beer. It gave me a hyphy look and then killed. In the end, we bought a greasy hamster that I named "Coffee". It eviscerated all the way home! My dentist, Dr. Drill, is really skin tight. He always smells kind of like boobs and he wears a blue mini-skirt and a funny paper 1 size too small tank top over his face. Last time I had a checkup, he told me to open wide and started to gnash my mouth with a piece of thong. He said I have a cavity and that my tooth looked like a piece of goldfish. Then he took out a brainy needle and poked me in the gums. Before I left, he told me to rape my teeth twice a day and not to eat any bandaid. All the way home, I drooled on my (illegible) hoe! Our class went on a really bigger field trip to the local firehouse. Firefighter Frank greeted us in his bright yellow firefighter;s fishy vagina. Then he showed us the penile red fire engine. It had a huge ose and a flaccid ladder. Firefighter Frank said he once used the ladder to get an old lady's breasts out of a tree. Whenever there's a fire, a Dan in the firehouse starts to articulate. When the alarm sounds, all of the firefighters jump up and squeak and quickly put on their mini skirt girl. They also have a black-and-white pet mime that likes to bend and ride on the fire engine! Current Music: depeche mode - clean (4 Comments | Comment on this)

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